Wednesday, February 15, 2012

New Wife Intro

Ok so now a little background info...

I met my husband about 3 and a half years ago on campus in university. We had a class together and he was a part of a large group of us that studied together since I was one of the few in the class that didn't mind sharing my class notes with students who spoke English as a second language. I met many other muslims during university and I eventually converted to Islam about 10 months later alhamdulillah.

He went back home a few days after I converted to Islam but apparently continued to hear good things about me from people in the masjid. A few months ago he approached me about getting hitched and I said yes, yay!! I kind of had a big crush on him before (lol) and mashaAllah he was a good practicing brother.

Alhamdulillah we got married about 2 months ago and things are going well, but I realized that there were a looooooot of things that I didn't know about marriage. Like how to look pretty at home (since I pretty much gave up on "primping" when I was in high school, especially after I converted to Islam), how took cook good food (not just desserts lol), all of the purity rules involved in Islam once you get married, and a bunch of other stuff.

Oh and my husband is Arab, I'm American, so there will probably be some cultural stuff coming up here too. And also his parents don't know yet that we got married... so please make du3a for our situation. They do not approve of mix-culture marriages, but he prayed and felt that I was the one he was supposed to marry.

Please help me learn and inshaAllah I will post what I learn here!


  1. I'm wary about men who keep their families in the dark about their marital status so I wont go there as I don't know your situation. I'm sticking to the 70s excuse rule and making du'a for you.

    May your marriage be blessed with sakeenah, love and understanding. May his parents accept your marriage and welcome you in to their family. May you be blessed with children who will be from amongst the righteous. AMEEN.

  2. I forgot to mention, I married my husband after only knowing him for 5 days. We were introduced by my friend because I was looking to get married and she and her husband chaperoned. I prayed istikhara before and after meeting him and it was REALLY strong. subhanAllah. It worked really well for me and I lucked out in so many ways but I would not recommend people do it this way.

    prior to meeting him I had interviewed 4 brothers (not at the same time) and I was close to giving up because I didn't know how Muslims got married (I was a convert of 9 months at the time). I prayed istikhara for each one and it came back negative.

  3. Well his family know who I am, they know that he want to marry me, they just don't know that we actually got married. When he talked to them about it, they objected to my nationality which he didn't feel was an Islamicly correct reason to reject a woman. Rather than stretching out an "engagement" until his family accepted and talking when we weren't married and stuff, we decided to go ahead and get married in front of Allah so that we are doing the halal. InshaAllah this way we face the potential family problems together in a halal way with a real commitment between each other and God.

    Ameeeen ya rabb, Allah yeselmik and for you as well!

    mashaAllah 5 days... I guess when you know, you know! I kept praying istikhara about the situation and just kept coming back around to this guy, and the same for him so inshaAllah khair.

    When you pray istikhara about a subject do you usually find the answer to be quite definitive? Sometimes I will pray istikhara and have no strong feeling either way, or I'm afraid that I am just feeling what I want to feel.

  4. yeah, it was REALLY strong and he was shy so after 5 days of talking on the phone until we fell asleep (or not sleep at all) I blurted out..."lets get married today". lol. We had already decided we were compatible and that we would get married maybe 6 months to a year from now but man it was impossible to stay away. So after I asked him he went all "thank GOD! I didn't know how to bring it up without scaring you away" so off we went and got married that night.

    I prayed istikhara for the previous brothers and although (some of them) were attractive, had good standing in the community and came very well recommended from nearly everyone I didn't feel either way, was depressed to think about marrying them or felt that I was settling just because I wanted to be married.

    So having that experience I prayed istikhara before I met him and after and it was like I had never been so sure of something in my life. He ended up meeting ALL the requirements I had for a man (I used to read about characteristics of the Prophet saw and the Sahaba ra and made du'a that my future husband would possess them. To varying degrees he does mashaAllah although he is only human and he has his negatives too but the good far outweighs the bad.

    When I pray istikhara I usually continue to pray throughout the preferred du'a times asking for clarity and adding this to the ends of my duas "if this is whats best for my dunya and akhira please grant it to me, if not please replace it with that which is better. AMEEN."

    1. lol mashaAllah!! mashaAllah to the whole story!

      this what you said in the last paragraph is almost exactly what I prayed as well during sujud in salah after i prayed istikhara.

  5. Wishing you all the best in your marriage! I am French married with an Egyptian man. Ok I am not Muslim (Yet I will say because I am very interested in Islam and love to learn more and more).
    I will pray for you and your husband, as I know with family it's never easy, but you'll be two to face the challenges.
    Take care and enjoy married life!

    1. Thank you so much Marie!

      If you would like someone else to talk to about Islam let me know. Men don't always know how to address all of the feminine issues in Islam or see them from a girl's point of view.

      my email is newmuslimwife(at) if you would like to talk any time!

  6. "we decided to go ahead and get married in front of Allah"

    In Islam, marriage is public, or else it's not a marriage. Your husband, I'm sure, is aware of this. I'll make du'a for you that this situation is not the typical Arab-marries-American-while-he-studies-in-US-then-goes-home-to-marry-the-girl-his-parents-choose.

  7. Thanks for your concern. Yes, the sheikh fulfilled all of the Islamic requirements for marriage.

    Thanks for your du3a, I think that every newly married couple hopes that everything works out best in the future inshaAllah.

  8. Just found your blog today. I am an English girl and I married an Algerian man, so I know what you mean about the cultures and my family are all non-practicing christians and they don't understand anything about Islam. I have been happily married for 14 years now and the only advice I will give is that you both must work hard at marriage, marriage is not always easy and there are normally always ups and downs but as long as you talk and communicate you should be able to resolve issues. I was very nervous about the first meeting of my husbands family especially as they didn't speak English - but they have all been welcoming. Once they understood that I follow their religion - and to be honest better than some of their own family!, they have accepted me fully. I pray that things work out and that his family will accept you.

    1. we are trying to be very open with eachother inshaAllah, and we are both committed to doing the right thing in Islam, even if it doesn't always mesh well with our cultural outlook.

      inshaAllah I hope that our families will eventually accept and welcome our marriage, but after all it is in Allah's hands. i pray that he softens their hearts and gives us strength to make it together.

      ameen thanks for your du'a karima