Wednesday, April 25, 2012

V is for...

very very... extra-ordinary:

not really lol, V is for...


I am not good at making myself vulnerable. Sometimes I think it is a bad thing.

For example, I am a perfectionist. If I don't think I will do something correctly, I just wont do it. Like with language, if I don't think I will say something correctly or wont have all the right words or right pronunciation, it is almost impossible to make myself say anything. I will sit and think about what I want to say over and over but never actually SAY it.

I have a problem also with asking for things that I want. Especially in relationships with people I love like my family and my husband. A part of me is always afraid they will say no or I will realize that it wasn't what I actually needed or wanted or maybe they will resent me asking or it was something that wasn't really important and I caused trouble for no reason. So I don't ask. I keep thinking it is just better all around to not ask... I am an easy going person and it is much easier for me to forget and move on than it is for the people around me alhamdulillah. I think I am completely incapable of holding a strong grudge because I just forget things so fast!

I have a hard time opening myself up in general. My feelings bruise really easily and people can hurt me without even having the intention to do it, then they feel bad because I feel bad and it becomes a huge mess...

I know in a lot of situations this is a good thing. I am not haunted by the past deeds of people around me, I am in touch with my feelings and can easily recognize my motivations, and I usually think really hard before I say anything alhamdulillah. On the other side I am impeding my own language progress and I am not always upfront about how I am feeling or what I need from people.

alhamdulillah 3la kul 7al, inshaAllah this is something I can work on. Any advice?

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